About Grief

Well, if that isn't a cheery title. I've been thinking alot about this subject recently because my friend is losing her father, and I am losing my mind. Ever so slowly.

What is it about grief that sends us into a emotional fetal position? I think it's the unpredictability of the whole matter. There's no linear progression through the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief. You memorized it in Abnormal Psychology in college. Or maybe just experienced it first hand. Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance. There. Linear on paper. All loopy-loop in real life.

My friend got word 5 weeks ago that her father had 24 hours to live. (Note: he's still with us) I got really tired of listening to her explaining to acquaintances that her entire month of June had been spent with her father and mother, and she had her two teenaged boys and husband to care for here, and her mother was cared for, blah, blah, blah. Nunya business why she's not on a plane immediately to be by her father's side. Why does she need to explain to everyone who asks? Why do people feel the need to ask? Concern, I suppoose.

Then I noticed a trend. Those of us who know her better moved on to other subjects. Children, car wrecks, school, life. Oh, and by the way, how is your dad? No disrespect. Just simple acknowledgement that while her grief and impending loss were acute, we also knew that good things, normal things, everyday things were also happening. And we could comment on those just as easily as we could slip into chatting about her father and how this last phone call went.

I think, and here I am editorializing, that you can tell alot about a relationship by the way people handle stressors. Deep friendships know there's another side to a person besides that acute grief. Sometimes the griever needs to talk about it, and sometimes just needs to talk about the fabulous scrapbook pages or card she made today. And that is just as valid.

Take it from someone who has a brain around here somewhere. Some days I just need a normal day. Which is when I stalk around here and read posts, and catch up on old friends newly found. And some days it's emotional fetal position for me. That's okay. Because it's a loopy-loop life.